Friday, February 5, 2010

The Sparkly Panda Draws Them In

Today was the first day I have successfully been able to avoid being sucked into engaging with a crazy person. I think a round of applause is in order.

As previously mentioned in past posts, I am a target for crazy people, no matter where I am they will find me and try and draw me into their lunacy. Today was no exception. I’d might as well have had a bull’s-eye tattooed on my forehead when the old woman boarded the train. She was the type of crazy person that doesn’t seem crazy at first. It’s only when they’re standing right beside you and you can see that “look” in their eyes and hear them mumbling to themselves that you know you’ve entered the crazy zone. She made a bee-line for me and spent a good five minutes mumbling and trying to make eye contact. I pulled out my best defense by adjusting my ear buds and adopting a vacant stare. Her retaliation was to directly address me! “I like your pin,” she said. Damn that sparkly panda brooch, it always draws them in! The force was strong with her… every crazy person worth their salt knows that it’s almost impossible to ignore a direct address! I was trapped! I’d never ignored a direct address before! I started to sweat as I tried to think what my next move would be… she was starring… waiting for me to respond! I decided to up the anti by adding a slack jaw to my vacant stare approach. NO DICE! She began to weave her face in front of mine in an attempt to gain eye contact and force a response. What this lady didn’t know is I can weave with the best of them, and so it began… a head weaving, eye darting battle that must have resembled the mating dance of the great Whopping Crane. Eventually I got a neck cramp, I thought I was done for and the lady could sense that my defeat was imminent. I was about to respond to her question when… “arriving at Bloor, Bloor Station”… saved by the seat shuffle! Bloor station is where everybody gets off and then even more people get on resulting in a musical chairs-esq seat shuffle. My opponent went to nab the first available seat and I moved to the opposite end of the train to ponder my actions.

I was proud of myself for standing strong and being able to resist the pull of the crazies, but at the same time I felt bad. What if she wasn’t really crazy? What if she was just a sweet, old lady commenting on my sparkly brooch? What if… then I looked up and saw her starring at me from across the train, her mouth mumbling a million miles a minute and I knew… “she done lost her mind!”

No comments:

Post a Comment