Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Steven Tyler looks like a skeleton draped in melting flesh

Aerosmith played the ACC last night and I was there.

Not because I am a diehard Aerosmith fan, but because I got a free ticket and I love a good freak show… and what’s freakier then Steven Tyler’s face? The answer is nothing.

I don’t know about you, but when I go to a rock concert I expect the music to blow me away. The music… not the lead singer’s age! I was so distracted by how old the band was that I couldn’t really enjoy the music.

My thoughts strayed down paths of wondering through the entire concert. It started with:

“Is that really Steven Tyler? Holy shit…. He’s old. I knew he was old, but he’s like really old!”

“Should he be swaying like that? He might break a hip!”

“Man, his face is wrinkly… my dad is almost his age and his face isn’t THAT wrinkly. What did Steven Tyler do to make his face that wrinkly? I mean, it looks like it’s melting off of his skull!”

“Jesus Christ, he has a big mouth! I knew he had a big mouth, but like whoa… that’s a really big mouth. I wonder if he has specialty dentures for his giant mouth.”

Thinking about giant dentures then got me thinking about those novelty shoes that clowns wear and whether Steven Tyler has to use a novelty size ball gag during sexy times and if so, are the large ball gags sold in the same store as the large shoes… in effect: do Steven Tyler and clowns shop at the same store?

After this last thought I realized how ridiculous this train of thought was and that I should be focusing on the awesome music. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop marveling at the geriatrics club (i.e. Aerosmith) that was rocking on stage. Another train of thought began: when your age starts detracting from your art is it time to hang up your hat?

Obviously different careers offer different views in terms of longevity. Peter Mansbridge is old, but instead of his age diminishing the masses' view of his ability to do his job, it has the opposite effect. His age makes him seem like more of an authority, which is an asset for a newscaster. In Steven Tyler’s case his age doesn’t add to his performance as a rock star, in fact it makes him and Aerosmith seem almost comical. Watching a 64 year-old jump around the stage in a sparkly trench coat, gyrating his crotch at the audience, licking a mic suggestively and gesturing at an oversized image of a woman younger then his daughter dancing in her bra and panties just seemed silly. I recalled working with children at my local pool and how all the adults would “awww” and laugh when their kid mimicked being “grown-up”. I imagined all those same children watching Steven Tyler on stage and “awwwing” and laughing at him as he mimicked being young.


  1. Hahahah. Was it at least an entertaining night?

  2. Wow that was so harsh! Now I understand why you looked so concentrated! :)

  3. Lol yeah, Amanda, it was an entertaining night despite Steven's wrinkles being so distracting. Actually, I've had Aerosmith songs stuck in my head since the concert which is a win on their part. I swear to god, Rag Doll has been playing on loop in my brain for the past 24 hours!

    I might be harsh, but I think Steven Tyler can take it ;P